Fast Away My Faults
by pandora1798
Summary: Misaki, Chiaki, Hiroki, and Onodera are in a rut. They're resorting to starvation, binging and purging, and self-mutilation. What will happen when their lovers catch on to the suspicious signs? Can they help their ukes stop their madness?
1. Off to a Fast Start

**A/N: Yay! Time for a sad, depressing story with an amazingly amazing happeh ending. I hope...Haha!  
I dunno if anyone has written a fanfic about this topic with these characters...Oh well! XD If you have, tell me who you are, haha! Anyways, if you didn't understand the summary (I'm awful at summaries...heh heh) But this is about the pairings UsamiXMisaki, NowakiXHiroki, TakanoXOnodera, and HatoriXChiaki. The ukes have been having problems. Each one has a different problem. So, read the chapters to find out, haha. ONWARDS MY FELLOW READERS! WE BEGIN ANOTHER JOURNEY INTO THE LIVES OF OUR FAVOURITE YAOI COUPLES CREATED BY NAKAMURA! XD**

Misaki wandered into the bathroom of the large penthouse. It was late at night, or quite early in the morning. He lifted his shirt and looked in the mirror at his exposed chest. He grimaced. _...How did I get to be so chubby? I eat healthy, right? I mean, all the other guys my age have flat stomachs and slim sides. But me, I look like a pig...Sumi-senpai pointed it out to me a few days ago...now that I think about it...I really am kind of chucky..._

He locked the door, just incase his lover were to want a bathroom break at this hour of the night. He sat on the toilet seat after he closed the lid. He looked down at his legs. _My legs look like cows...anyone can see that...Why would Usagi-san want _this?

He continued to criticize his body and think of reasons why Usagi-san would want to make love to a "pig" like him. He silently-or as silently as he could- cried. He cried about how Usagi-san would soon lose interest in him and his body. And then he cried more about how he shouldn't let this bother him. He cried until no more tears fell down. And all that crying drained him of his energy, so he got down from the toilet and leaned against the door, falling asleep there.

...

That morning, Usami woke up with no one next to him. He got up and checked around the large penthouse. He first checked the kitchen. No one. Then, he looked in the boy's room. No one. He then went for the bathroom. He turned the handle, but it was locked. BINGO. He knocked softly.

"Misaki," he called out smoothly. He heard a rustling noise, a toilet flush, and water running. Then after a few seconds, a tired-looking Misaki appeared, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

" -YAWN- What are you doing up so early, Usagi-san?" Misaki asked, drowsily.

"...What are you talking about? It's almost lunchtime.." Usami said, confused about what the boy was talking about. "...Did you sleep in the bathroom?"

Misaki paused before coming up with a pretty good lie, "No! I didn't go to sleep in the bathroom! What kind of person would do that anyways! Besides, I was just really tired, so I didn't realize what time it was."

Usami replied, "Well, now that you know what time it is...*cough* Lunchtime *cough*"

Misaki got instantly frustrated with the man infront of him. Couldn't he wait a few minutes before asking to do _that_? "Yes...I know...But I have to make lunch...What do you want?"

"You," he said proudly. He leaned in and kissed Misaki will full passion. He pulled back to look at an annoyed Misaki. He chuckled and reached out to ruffle his lover's chocolate brown hair as he made his way back over to the couch.

Misaki blushed a little before turning on his heels to head for the kitchen to make lunch.

...

During lunch, Misaki moved his food around on his plate, making it look like he ate more than he really did. He soon got up from the table and rinsed out his dish and put it in the dishwasher. He sighed as his stomach growled angrily. He would have to do this slowly, kind of like how Hitler slowly but surely put his plan into action. He couldn't just stop eating cold-turkey. That would be abuse. He would just drink water during the day at school so that it would be something to fill his stomach without having to fill his waistline.

...

At school the next few days, he walked with Sumi-senpai drinking out of his water bottle, keeping his stomach from growling. It had been a few days since he began his regimen. It was a full-proof plan. It had even fooled Usagi-san. That was the only thing keeping him from moving forward. Everyday he would move his food around his plate, eating a few bites as to not look super suspicious.

_This. This is really gonna work, isn't it? I'm finally going to look attractive..._


	2. Slicing Away My Sorrows

**A/N: Yay! I love writing sad and depressing stuff and then letting the semes care for and nurture their lovers XD **

**Misaki: What the hell...?  
Me: Heheheh..  
Usagi-san: I like this idea...(smirk)  
Takano-san :Yes...me too (smirk)  
Hatori: I agree. (Straight face )  
Nowaki: As long as I get to comfort and protect my Hiro-san, I agree! ( radient smile )  
The Ukes : What the hell is wrong with you people! (veins popping out, eyes twitching, Hiro-san's "Go back to Hell" glare...etc...)  
**

**Okay! This time, it's...Hiro-san! XD**

**...**

_"Nowaki...Please...Love me..." Hiroki pleaded to his lover._

_"How could I love someone like you? It's impossible...I never loved you...It was an act!" the raven haired man laughed evily._

_"B-But Nowaki..." the older man said, tear streaming down his face. "...Why?"_

_The younger man smacked Hiroki's face, eliciting a slapping sound and a whimper. "Shut up."_

"Ahhh!" Hiroki flinched awake. He tried to calm down and force his breath back to normal. He wouldn't _dare _wake Nowaki. That would cause more trouble than the trouble he was in, even though he would love to cling onto Nowaki like he would die. And he would die without his Nowaki.

But this dream. This same dream reoccuring over and over. And after every awakening, Hiroki would ask himself," _...Does Nowaki..Does he not love me..?"_

Tears fell down his already tearstained face. He got up as softly as he could, heading to the bathroom. He looked back at his Nowaki when he was almost in the bathroom. _God, he looks so peaceful...Not like how he is in my dreams... _More tears fell down his face as he entered the bathroom and shut and locked the door.

He sniffled quietly. _This has gone on for months now. The torturous nightmares...and the doubt..I can't take it...This hurts too much...At first it was bad, but now...Now, this is just too painful..._

And with that silent decision, he wouldn't let this pain hurt his heart anymore.

...

Over the next few days, he had trouble figuring out what he could do to make his heart stop hurting.

_Therapist? No. Sounds too much like "The Rapist."  
Psychiatrist? Nah, too much for my situation.  
Counselor? Nope, don't know any except the school councelor, but I'd never go to him..  
Suicide? Nope. It would hurt my pride because killing myself would be like giving up._

Then he got it. _...I will...I will start cutting...Maybe this pain will cease after a few slices...Who knows?_

_..._

In the bathroom of the Egoist couple sat Hiroki on the closed toilet. He had planned for this. Well, not this moment, but for any time he felt like complete crap. Nowaki was at his nightshift, leaving the whole apartment to Hiroki. He would use this to his advantage.

"Okay..." his hand shook a bit while the razor blade rested in between his thumb and index. "So I just..make...shallow...cuts..on my arm...or would my arm be too suspicious? My leg..thigh! My thigh would be perfect!"

With that, his confidence greatly. He took the blade and put just enough pressure to break the skin. He winced for a second, and then...it was euphoric. It was magic and it was working. With every cut, he gained a glimmer of relief. The warm blood and the feel of the metal. It felt so perfect...

He would do this when Nowaki wasn't home. It would work out. Hiroki had a small spark of hope light a fire in him. _Today started the beginning of less pain..._


	3. Waste Away My Crap

**A/N: Such a good start! Thanks to you people who read my fanfics! I LUFF YOU GUYSES! Now...not being selfish...but..Please review T_T**

**Now is ONODERA'S TURN! :D Poor, poor ukes...And poor poor semes who haven't found out the news.**

**...**

Onodera was in the break area and after a long, horrid talk with the printers, he deserved to sit and rest for a minute. He soon overheard some talking.

"Oh, have you seen Onodera-san lately?" a woman asked her coworker.

"No, what's wrong?" she asked back.

"He's gained some weight...That won't do well for his love life..."

"I noticed that too!" the lady replied. "I want to tell him, to help him out, but that would be too cruel.."

_What? I...I gained weight?_

"Well, I have to get back to work! See ya!" the brunette exclaimed.

"Oh okay! I was just about to go home anyways. I got off work early today! So, yeah, see ya tomorrow!"

Onodera went to his floor's bathroom. He looked at himself. His arms, legs, and stomach. And sure enough, he was losing that flat stomach.

_It really is true...NO. I shouldn't let two people shake me off my axis. But...two people means that there could be more who think that...Oh God..I have to fix this..._

...

Onodera went home and skipped dinner, not that he would've eaten anyways. It was late and he was tired.

_Maybe what that lady said about my "Love life" was true. Maybe that's why Takano-san hasn't kissed me or...made love...to me in a while..._

He mindlessly walked over to his bedroom and faceplanted into his bed. He laughed hysterically,"Oh God...He doesn't love my body anymore...does that me he will drift away from me and find someone else?" he said outloud, to no one. "Wait..What the hell am I saying? 'He doesn't love my body anymore?'...well...that could be true...I just want..my doubts erased...But..if that is true...I want to clear everything...and if that means erasing my faults...then I'd do it...And...maybe he'll love me more..."

...

He went into his medicine cabinet and looked for some sort of diet pills. Something to get rid of his extra flab. Nothing. But he did find a box of laxatives. He had heard of people with eating disorders use laxatives to lose weight. _Of course, I'm not like them, I'm just trying to lose a little weight. Maybe a week of this will work..._

He grabbed the correct amount for his current weight and took them with a glass of water. _These might completely wreck my insides, but at least I'll be skinny again._

...

The medicine worked, at least to clear out his insides. So hopefully it would work. He went to work as if nothing was wrong, because in his mind, he was solving the problem currently. Takano didn't notice anything out of the ordinary. No one did.

By the end of the week, Onodera felt like taking these laxatives was normal. He was happy to take them and wouldn't forget. If he did, he would take double the next day. He had to do that once during that week.

_This...this seriously has to work..._

**A/N: AHHH! GOMENASAI! I know! I know! Ricchan is OOC! DX HOPEFULLY I CAN FIX IT AS WE PROGRESS IN THE STORY! I'M VERY SORRY!**


	4. Binge and Purgatory

**A/N: :D Well, I might give up on trying to Hatori and Chiaki :\ I'll try to write their chapters anyways ^_^; Well, if you guys like it, I'll continue! So please, I beg of you! Please review! :'D And I saw recently that I got 31 reviews on L's Sick Week! Thank you to those who reviewed!  
NOW! ONWARDS TO CHAPTER 4: B&P AWAY MY FEARS! (B&P = Binging and Purging)**

**...**

"Hatori! I'm hungry!" the young manga artist announced. "I really do need a break from this anyways,"

Hatori entered the living room, where his lover was at his drafting table. "What do you want to eat?"

"...I'm not sure..." he replied.

"Well, I can make something healthy...It would be a problem..if you gained a couple pounds because you were eating a poor diet..." he explained.

"Wait...so if I didn't eat a lot, does that mean that I would be healthier?" the younger asked.

"Ahh..No, not eating less, and not eating more..just eating the right things," Hatori explained.

"Oh okay.." Chiaki said.

_Is...Is he implying that I need to lose weight? ...I mean...I'd do it...for him...But how? Eating healthy food for a while seems easy...but it's a slow process...I don't wanna starve myself...I love my food, _He laughed a little. _But I still need to think of something...Oh! My middle school friend told me, 'The easiest way to lose weight and to eat what ever you want is B&P, Binging and Purging. I am a little afraid of purging...but...if I love Hatori...I should do it for him..._

...

Later that day, Chiaki got on his computer, when Hatori wasn't home, and he looked up, "How to binge and purge." He figured out what all he was supposed to do and would start today. When Hatori made breakfast, lunch, or dinner, he would eat as much as he could, but not suspiciously, and then excuse himself to the bathroom where he would purge. It was a full-proof plan.

...

Hatori was in the kitchen, preparing dinner. _Today is the day...I can't back out now.__..Because I'd be giving up. _When the older man was finished fixing supper, he set a plate down at the table for Chiaki. The young manga artist gobbled down his food. He didn't even care about the taste of the food, just getting as much down as he could was most important. But when Hatori sat down in front of him, with his own plate, Chiaki had to slow down his amount intake. He wouldn't let Hatori find out anything. He would only see the result of his actions. Once Chiaki had finished, he asked Hatori, "Is it all right if I had a little more? It was so good!"

"...Sure...But don't make yourself sick. Eating too much at one time may cause you to vomit or have a stomach ache,"

_I would be vomiting anyways...so what's the harm? _

After finishing off two plates of dinner, he excused himself to the bathroom. "No, Tori, I don't feel sick! BAKA!"

He closed and locked the door behind him. He then took a deep breath, clearing all nervousness. Luckily for him, he was a silent puker._ (A/N: So am I! XD I don't make a sound when I hurl! :D Lol, TMI I suppose...) _He took his index finger and reached into the back of his throat, causing him to gag, but not puke. So he tried again, and this time it worked. He emptied the contents of his stomach into the porcelain toilet. He sighed in relief. After he flushed the toilet, he stood up and went over to the sink to brush his teeth, clearing his mouth of the terrible taste. 1.) Because it really tasted horrible. 2.) Because Hatori might kiss him, and then if he tasted like vomit, Hatori would find out his secret. Chiaki decided not to binge and purge quite so much as he planned, because that would arouse suspicion. But he would do it when he felt it was necessary. Definitely when Hatori wasn't home...

...

**A/N: YAY! Chapter 4! Again, not sure if i should keep Chiaki and Tori in the mix, but I think it'll work out well :D Please REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! 3 R's!**


	5. Fast Results

**A/N: Chapter 5! :D This one'll be about Misaki. And if you want a refresher, re-read chapter 1. I plan on adding in a flash back to catch you guys up in the later chapters about Misaki, along with the others. **

**I found myself recently very infatuated with visual kei music and clothing! :D So this school year, things will be different! Hahaha, my teachers are gonna think I'm some sort of punk or hooligan ^_^;**

**Ugh...America is mean...They don't sell visual kei stuff at normal places(then again, if visual kei stuff was at normal places, then it would become the norm...)...bleh...But I'm not gonna give up! ^_^)b**

**7/4/12 HAPPY 4th of July! The air conditioning is out at my house today T_T and I live in MS. So much fudging humidity... So my family is now using the ceiling fans and no lights except for lamps. I do like ceiling fans and I wonder why my parents never use em a lot. I have one in my room, but my grandmother is staying in there for a month and so I'm stuck in my parents' room.**

**Anyways...ONWARDS, MY FELLOW YAOI FANS!**

**-...-...-...-...**

"Ah...I'm just not very hungry right now, but I'll eat something later, baka Usagi-san!"

I had been pestered by a worried Usami Akihiko after the novelist found out that the I hadn't been eating much lately.

"Misaki...Is it because of how busy you've been lately? What with school and that part time job you have..." he asked. "If it's becoming detrimental to your health, you shouldn't continue like this. I wouldn't want a sick Misaki...Because then we couldn't have se-"

"BAKA!" I shouted. "I'm completely fine! And besides, it's completely normal for a healthy boy like me to go through different phases. Maybe this is just a phase!" _But I know it isn't. I just hope Usagi-san won't realize I'm lying through my teeth..._

"...Okay," he said, still twinges of concern in his tone. "But you really should eat more."

"Baka, I know!" I replied. _I know I should, but if I eat more, I'll gain more weight and then you'll hate my body...You'll stop loving me and then kick me out. And not that I would tell him this, but anywhere else, even at Nii-chan's place, I would be so lonely..._

_-...-...-...-...-_

Later at school during lunch, I only picked little things and a bottled water. Sumi-sempai sat down at the same table and looked at me weird.

"Why are you eating so little lately?" he asked.

"Ah, no reason," I lied.

"Mmmhmm..." he replied. "Are you trying to get skinnier?"

"No!" I shouted. "I'm only doing this so I won't- Ah...nevermind,"

"No, no, keep going," he smirked.

I sighed, "I'm only doing this for Usagi-san...I mean, who would want a chubby lover like me?"

"Misaki, you aren't that fat, maybe a little here and there, but you aren't as chubby as some people in our class..." he nodded his head over towards a chunky senior who had two hamburgers and 3 fry containers on his table. "But if this is what you want. I won't stop you. But if Usami-san finds out, I don't want to see what'll happen..."

I groaned, "I don't want to see what'll happen either...But that's why he _won't _find out."

We finished our lunch in companionable silence. I was happy that Sumi-sempai didn't tell me not to or to do this. He let me do what I wanted. Unlike Usagi-san who would flip a bitch if he ever found out.

-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-

A month passed and things were getting bad. I felt horrible. But I could see my ribs and hip bones and I was proud. I had gotten this far and I wasn't going to stop just yet. I still felt rather chunky... I got on the scale in the bathrom and I looked down at the numbers.

40 kg. Or around 92 pounds. _Woah...I was like 130 pounds in September and now that it's December, I weigh around 40 pounds less. 3 months. Does that mean that in 3 more months I'll be 30 pounds? You know what, I think I'll stop when I hit 80-85 pounds. Just less than a month now...and then I will finally become the weight I need to be. Then I'll stop._

I looked in the mirror at myself. I looked perfect, minus some small places that would be gone by the end of this month for sure. My hip bones were visible and my stomach was flat, or more like it sank in between my hip bones. My arms were thin and so were my legs. My ribs were visible and so was my spine and shoulder blades. It looked perfect. And I was practically satisfied with myself.

But I was feeling horrible. I was tired all the time and I would fall asleep in the middle of class and in the middle of..ahem...sometimes. Usagi-san probably didn't think too much of it other than the fact that he might think that he's caused me so much pleasure that I passed out.

But not only was I extremely tired, I was also feeling weak and dizzy sometimes. _Maybe I'll eat a lot more today...just to show Usagi-san that I'm getting out of this "phase". _

I got out of the bathroom and walked towards the kitchen so I could fix lunch. I had overslept today since it was the first day of winter break.

"Hey, Usagi-san, what do you want for lunch?" I called.

"...Lunch? What do you mean? It's 7:24 at night...Misaki, are you feeling okay?" he replied.

_It's night? What the hell is Usagi-san going to think? _I began to feel a little dizzy, but I pushed it off.

I padded into the living room, wobbling a bit, "What? We can't have lunch this late at night?" I forced myself to laugh.

Usagi-san stood up from the couch and set his papers down on the coffee table. "Are you sure you're alright? You look really thin and sick."

_No...don't call me thin and sick...What I'm doing isn't sick...and what I am isn't thin..._

"But I'm fine! I ran from the spot I stood to the kitchen and then back to the spot where I had been standing. I tried to stop the panting by breathing deeply. I was weak. I wasn't fine. I really wasn't. But it wasn't like I was going to tell Usagi-san that. I was perfect in his eyes. And that was going to stay that way. I have no problems. I'm fine. Me? Anorexic? No, of course not! I am a healthy young guy who's just a little under weight because I'm just not that hungry all the time!

Usagi-san looked at me strangely. "What? I told you I'm fine!" _Did my voice just crack? No! No! No! This was not supposed to happen! I'm not supposed to cry! I'm stronger than this! I don't eat and I'm still fine! I am stronger than this! _

A tear trickled down my face. I quickly covered it up with my hand and laughed it off. When I stopped, I whispered, "Hey...Usagi-san...I'm going to take a walk...No...A run maybe...I'll be back later..." And with that I charged out the door.

-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-..-

**A/N: How was that? Haha, that chapter was longer than the usual chapters in this fic :D  
Anyways, please review! ^_^**

**Ja~Ne ^_-**


	6. Cutting Corners

**A/N: 7/5/12: Thank you Guest ^_^ but I can't reply to you, so I'll do it here: Yes, I wish to slap him too haha. Thank you for reviewing ^_^**

**Hiro-san's story! ^_^**

**Nowaki: Hey, the only person who can call him Hiro-san is me  
Pandora: So...Hiro-chan it is!  
Hiroki: -throws book-  
Pandora: -gets hit in the head- owwy ;A;  
Nowaki: Now, now, Hiro-san...Remember that she has to finish so that it gets to the part where I get to care for you and make love to you.  
Hiroki: -blushes- Baka! Don't make me come over there you giant!  
Pandora: And with that, let's begin!**

**-Hiroki's point of view-**

Two months of this and Nowaki still hasn't found out. Even when we had sex, he didn't show any kind of surprise at the thin scars on my thighs. I doubt he even saw them. I sighed, walking out of the bedroom and into the bathroom. Of course, I wasn't going to stop just because we had sex. Screwing each other didn't have to mean anything to him. _He probably did it just to get off...Love is horrible...I swore I would never fall in love again. But here I go. I'm in love. And he's not. Not anymore at least. He's gotten tired of me. He's been out later and I can't help but think he's cheating on me. But, I should stop this. I should._

I took the sharp blade and dug it into one of the scars. It wouldn't've been good to make new ones because Nowaki would be sure to find out.

_He's probably fucking some girl. They're probably dating. And soon he'll want to get married to her because I know more than anyone that he's always wanted kids. And both of us know that I don't like kids. And he's in love with that girl. That's probably why he's staying out so late. Him and a girl... _

"Damn it!" I couldn't hold back the tears anymore, so I put up that dam to stop them. I sliced into the scar deeply. It wasn't stitches deep, but it was close enough. I took a dark towel and pressed it onto the cut after I had watched enough blood flow out of it to make me content. _Shit, I just hope this doesn't stain the towel. Then Nowaki will be sure to figure out. Ah! Unless I just tell him I cut my hand while trying to cook for him!_

I took the blade and sliced a nice, straight line through skin of my palm. I watched the dark blood rush to the surface with awe. It was so beautiful the way the blood looked. It was as if there were no imperfections. When I touched it, it spread like it was painting my hand. It flowed between the lines and created red patterns.

"I'm home!"

_Oh shit!_ "I-I'm about to take a shower! So just wait in the living room until I'm finished! Then I'll get dinner made!" I shouted from the bathroom. I turned on the shower before I could hear a reply. I sighed, getting undressed and stepping into the shower, letting the burning water singe my open cuts. I winced slightly before I felt the soothing burn. The pain was neutalizing the tightness in my chest and the lump in my throat and the stinging in the corners of my eyes.

_I just want it all to go away. It hurts. It hurts. It hurts. It- No! Stop! I can't let this get to me! It's not as painful as it seems. It doesn't hurt. It's not painful. I don't need help. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm just perfectly alright._

I soon got out of the shower, putting on fresh clothes after I dried off. I cringed at the feeling of my heart pounding right out of my chest. _Yes! God! End it! End my life now! Just end it! i can't deal with this anymore! _But a few moments later, the pounding and then tightness ceased, as if it never were. I sank to the floor, face in hands. I cried. I hadn't cried in a while, and I just couldn't stop the tears. I grabbed the blade that I had dropped on the floor when Nowaki startled me. I started at my arms. The blade swiftly sliced through skin and made beautiful lines as dark red seeped down my arms . I didn't give a fuck anymore. _I should just run out of the house. I would hide somewhere. Somewhere where I could just wallow in self-pity. I wasn't fit to be his lover. And this was why he doesn't love me._

I opened the door and grabbed the dark towel I had been using and I snuck out. I stopped when I saw Nowaki sitting on the couch. _How the hell am I going to get past him? _After thinking of various routes, I gave up. I just quickly walked until I hit the door. I hurriedly opened it and stepped out, no shoes on. I shut it.

_Did Nowaki not see me? _I opened the door a little and peered into the apartment. _Uwah! Nowaki is asleep? _And I was right. He was peacefully sleeping, his head resting on his hand. I wanted to watch him, but I knew I couldn't. So I silently shut the door again and walked away.

-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-

Nowaki's point of view:

I woke up on the couch wondering where my Hio-san was. I got up and started my search. I looked in the kitchen, the bathroom, the bedroom, and even the closet. But there was no Hiro-san. About this time, I started getting worried.

I put on my shoes and ran out the door.

* * *

**A/N: Yay! chapter 6! Hope you are happy about that cliffy XD I'll write more later today..Yes, it is current past 3am...**

**JA~NE! ^_^ Please review my sweet, kind, young souls ^_^**


	7. Flushed Down the Toilet

**A/N: Be praying for my grandmother. Her hip broke yesterday...and she is at the hospital right now with my parents. My dad had called an ambulance to pick her up and my mom and him followed the ambulance, leaving my sister and me at home. At 3 in the morning. Alone. And I've never had this kind of situation before, so I am a little scared **

**Chapter 7! Okay, so if you haven't noticed already, the chapter titles sort of clue who the chapter is about. Haha, anyways, this one is Onodera ^_^ Oh! This one has a slight Yokozawa/Onodera moment in there, but only if you think about it in that way. I'll explain more at my A/N at the end.**

**Onodera: You sick, sick woman.  
Pandora: What are you talking about? I am a healthy young girl ^_^  
Takano: In what world are you normal?  
Pandora: In every world, Masa-chan!  
Takano: You don't own us, you know  
Pandora: Yes, I'm very aware.  
Onodera: Then why haven't you said a disclaimer?  
Pandora:...Because I own the story ^_^  
Takano: She does not own anything.  
Pandora: And with that, let's begin!**

**ONODERA'S POINT OF VIEW:**

After cleaning out my system, I looked in the mirror. I lifted my shirt and saw that I had lost weight over the past two months. My hip bones were now visible and so were my ribs. I felt happier than I had in a while. I should've stopped right then, but I didn't. More like I couldn't. Each morning I would take a laxative, doubling it when I didn't get fast results. But now, I was taking three each morning and two each night and I couldn't stop. It was force of habit. I just needed to get rid of them, but when I saw them in the morning, I would take three and then forget what I was in there for besides taking them. And midday, I was at work, so I couldn't just leave work, go back to my apartment, and trash the pills. So by the time I got home, i was too tired to think, so I would just pop two pills and be done.

I wanted to stop, I really did, but the way things were going, I couldn't.

I got into work and sat down in the lounge room and sighed, putting an arm over my eyes. _Ugh...My head aches and my eyes burn..._

I hadn't been using the restroom as much as I should. I just didn't have it in me. As in seriously. There was nothing in my system. I was happy, yet at the same time, I felt empty. So empty. I was always hungry, but I never felt hungry enough _to _eat. And obviously taking laxatives _and _not eating very much is a very bad idea. But it was helping me tremendously. Now all I needed was to quick this cycle before it turns deadly. But how long would it be before I reached a better weight. _Right now, I only weigh around 95...Thirty to forty pounds less than what I need to be. I should seriously stop today...I don't want to get so skinny that Takano-san will find out about what I've been doing...But if he likes the skinnier me...I should keep going...NO! I've gotta stop today! Who knows what could happen to me! I mean, I've already been feeling weak and tired. I've been hungry too. I've gotta eat and stop taking those pills. I've felt like shit these past few weeks, so I should seriously stop this "diet" and regulate my past habits._

I took my arm off my face and stood up, wobbling a bit before steadying myself.

"Hey, you okay?" a deep voice questioned with concern. "You've been looking sick lately."

"I have not!" I shouted in protest. "Why does everyone say that? Kisa-san, Hatori-san, Mino-san, and now you! I'm not sick!"

But then...I suppose I just lied._ I'm sick. As much as I want to tell myself that I'm not, I know I am seriously sick. I just want this to all be over. I want to recover. I know, I made a mistake, but this is what I wanted. I wanted to become skinnier. It's all my fault..._

"I just want you to be okay," he replied smoothly. "I was considering pulling you out of work today so I could take you to a doctor. You look so pale lately, and your face is so thin. But I'll have to just keep you here after everyone leaves so I can make sure that you aren't just lying to me."

I was happy. But at the same time worried. Happy because he really did notice me and care about me. But worried because he was going to find out my secret. He would probably be so ashamed. I couldn't bare what his reaction would be. It scared me.

"Ah, um, you don't have to, I'm clearly fine!" I responded, feeling a bit light-headed after standing up abruptly. "I-I'll just go back to my work now." And with that, I stumbled past Takano-san and almost fell over, but I kept walking. I entered the bathroom and sighed, washing my face. I dried my face off with a paper towel and then left the bathroom, immediately running into Yokozawa-san.

I backed up into the bathroom, him practically pushing me back. "Excuse me, Yokozawa-san, but I need to be getting back..."

He didn't say anything, which was strange. "What?"

"I wouldn't normally say something like this, but you don't look so good..." he answered. "I'm not saying that you look sick, I'm just saying that you look like Death warmed over."

"I do?" I asked, confused because I looked fine this morning.

"Yes, you do," he said, pushing me towards the mirror hastily.

I looked at myself in horror. I had no clue I looked this bad. My eyes were dark and my face was so pale it was almost white. My cheeks looked hollow and thin. My hair was like normal, but my face was scarily sickly.

I couldn't stop the tears from escaping my eyes. It was a waterfall. And I felt some sort of need to tell someone what was going on. But it couldn't be Takano-san or anyone in the office...Maybe Yokozawa-san...He has a lover, right? Would he understand?

"Yokozawa-san...please forgive me...but I'm just going to tell you something that I can't hold in anymore..." I quickly whispered. "I'll just be blunt with you. I've been taking three laxatives each morning and two each night for the past two months. And this is the result of it. I've gotten skinnier and I had been happy, but then the pills controlled me. I took them out of habit and this happened...Please, Yokozawa-san! Don't tell Takano-san! He'll be so worried and mess up in his work and I don't want to cause him problems. I mean, you have a lover too, right? What would you do in my situation? Would you want him to know? Hell no, right? It's just natural instinct! And if this happened to you lover, would you just let it happen? No! You would be worried out you ass and trying to get him medical help and mental therapy, right? I mean, you'd want what's best for him! And I'm not insane! I don't need to go to a therapist! I'm fucking fine, damn it!"

I had been sitting on the conveniently placed chair in the restroom. The tears flooded my face and I wiped them away as best as I could, but they kept flowing, soaking my originally dry hands.

I soon felt a pair of arms around me and a warm, broad chest leaning against my face. I stiffened.

"Hey, I did this for Masamune when _you _destroyed him, so don't take this like I like you or anything,"

_He...he's trying to comfort me...I'm happy but a little confused. Why would _he _help _me? He then pulled back once my waterfall of tears ceased. He stood up straight, reaching for something.

"Oi, Onodera," he bumped my head. I looked up and saw him holding a couple sheets of paper towels out in front of my face. "Here."

I took them and I dried up my face. "...Thank you,"

I didn't really know what to say at this point, so I stood up quickly and went over to the sink and rinsed my face, erasing every inch of evidence that could've proved that I had been crying. By this time, Yokozawa had left, leaving me alone again. I sighed, hoping he took what I said to heart.

-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-

I was walking out of the office when I got a text from Takano-san.

Takano: Oi! Get your ass back here! I told you I would check on you when everyone left!  
I replied with: Why?  
Takano: Because you looked like shit earlier! I don't want to have to take you to the hospital or anything!

I didn't reply as I made my way back up the elevator.

When I reached the right floor, I got another text from Takano-san

Takano: To see you looking like death kills me. But to see you lying in a hospital bed looking like death frightens me a little. I love you, Ritsu..

And the elevator opened as soon as I finished reading the text.

-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-...-

**A/N: Yay! Chapter 7 is finished! I hope you people know that it can be difficult when switching personalities when writing the point of views of 4 different ukes haha.**

**Ah, the sun is rising...what a pretty sight... Yes, I am staying up all night. ^_^ **

**Please review!**

**JA~NE! ^_^**


	8. Until the Bile Meets Porcelain

**A/N: Hey! Thank you nice reviewers for sticking in there and reading this fanfic. I think that I will keep Hatori and Chiaki in here, I just have to figure out the personality of both of them more so I can write their chapters better ^_^ I know that Hatori is visibly calm most of the time, but I don't know much about Chiaki ;A; So I'll rewatch some Sekaiichi Hatsukoi and read fanfics based on them to get an image of what they're like.**

**Yay! I have found interest in Porcelain and the Tramps (Or now, Porcelain Black) I love her music ^_^**

**Pandora: Yay! I fell asleep at around 7-8am Sunday morning!  
Chiaki: So did I! I had to finish inking a few pages in my manga  
Hatori: Which you still have a few more left, so get busy!  
Chiaki: Wahh Tori-chan! ;A;  
Hatori: Get busy and I'll make you dinner.  
Chiaki: Really? ^_^  
****Pandora: And with that, let's begin!**

**Chiaki's point of view**

I don't know how long I've been doing this. My stomach was sore and it was as if I pulled a million muscles down there. Three months of this and there were drastic results. I had lost a large chunk of weight, and I weighed about 96-100lbs. I was originally 135-140 lbs. I was tired. I finished all my work correctly, but overall, I was just tired. I didn't feel like doing anything. But I had to give my all into my manga, or else Tori would be on my case...And then he'd definitely find out.

I sighed, going into the bathroom after dinner. I ran my hand through my hair, kneeling before the porcelain bowl that my stomach and mind idolized. I stick my middle finger in my mouth, farther, farther, until I hit the right pressure point, causing me to lurch up the pounds of food I ate. It came out in a rush, liquid mixed with solids, burning my throat. The weightlessness I felt afterwards was euphoric, like I had just had sex. It was amazing until the taste filled my mouth. I almost gagged again, but then quickly brushed the acid taste out of my mouth.

I flushed the toilet and watched as the weight of my world disappeared down the drain.

I washed my face of any evidence, and dried it off with a hand towel. I tossed it on the counter out of laziness and I opened the door to Hatori.

"T-Tori?" I looked up at him.

"I just wanted to make sure you were alright," he replied. "I heard some strange noises coming from in here, I was just making sure you weren't throwing up or anything. You've been looking sick lately. Are you okay?"

"Yea! I'm completely fine!" I replied, feeling a little naseous. _Oh God...What will I do if he finds out? _"I don't know what kinds of noises you're talking about, Tori,"

He put his cool hand on my forehead. It felt nice, so I leaned into it a little bit, closing my eyes for a second. "See, your forehead is hot. You are _not _fine."

_I have a fever? How did I not notice?_

"The only question it _how _you got sick. It's not terribly cold out, so it can't be a cold...Unless you have a low immune system...but you shouldn't, you've been eating very healthily thanks to me..." he thought outloud.

Then he came to a decision, "I'm taking you to the doctor."

"T-Tori!" I whined. "I don't wanna go..."

He sighed, "I want to know what's got you sick,"

I didn't say anything while we drove to the doctor. I was shaking out of nevousness. I hated the doctor. More now because now there was no way in hell that my secret would be hidden.

I felt a cool hand ruffle my hair, only increasing my shivers. I was so damn paniced.

When we entered the chilling waiting room, I shuddered so bad that Tori had to hold me up a little before letting me sit down on the rough vinyl bench. I shivered, holding my arms with my freezing hands trying to stop shaking. I looked up at Tori who was at the welcome desk receiving papers. He turned around and walked towards me and sat down next to me.

"You okay?"

"Y-Yea...I'm fine," _Minus the fact that I was bulimic and regurgitating every meal given to me._

He wrapped an arm around me and pulled me close to him as he filled out most of the papers.

"Hey, I don't know your symptoms other than your fever and shakes,"

"Fatigue, dizziness, and nausea. The nausea is recent though," _Vomiting, feeling like crap about myself, binging. The usual._

He wrote these things down silently then reluctantly got up and gave the papers back to the lady at the desk.

He sat back down next to me, further back on the bench, his back at an angle, touching the wall, "You can rest your head in-"

I finished his sentence by laying down on the bench on my side, facing opposite of him, with my head in his lap. He froze for a minute before entwining his cool, long fingers in my hair. I sighed and closed my eyes. The whole time, those loving fingers weaved their way in and out of the locks of my hair in a way to try to calm my nerves. It worked for the most part, until after around ten minutes, I was called in.

"Chiaki-san! Chiaki Yoshino!" the petite nurse called.

A shudder ran through me. Everything was going to be revealed...and there was nothing I could do about it.

I bolted up, standing abruptly. I was between running out those double doors and not looking back. But the other part of me was actually considering going through with the doctor visit.

But I had no choice as Hatori pushed me forwards. Tears threatened to escape. _I'm so sorry, Tori..._

The kind nurse guided us over to a scale. "Please stand on this scale so I can measure your weight."

I had no choice but to follow her instructions. Her brow furrowed in confusion as she took my weight, but she didn't say anything, thank God.

"I'm sorry, sir, but it seems the scale might be glitching. Would you please step off and wait a few seconds before getting back on it."

_Damn it._

A shakey breath escaped my lungs as I stepped off the scale. A few seconds later, I stepped back on, closing my eyes in fear. Fear of seeing Hatori's face.

The nurse wrote down the numbers with the same furrowed eyebrows as before and mumbled, "I really hope this is right. The scale shouldn't be broken. It worked fine for the other patients we had today."

I stepped off the scale and glanced over to Tori, who had the same confused look.

The nurse led us to a small station in which she would take my blood pressure. _Good luck with getting an accurate blood pressure..._

I sat down in the chair as she secured the velcro and I tried to calm my heart as air filled the band. Of course, my horrible luck, my heart doesn't want to slow. I could feel my quicking heart beat stronger with the band tight around my arm.

I then felt a hand run through my hair, instantly dropping my heart rate to a slower pace. I sighed as that cool hand used it's magic on me for the third time that day.

After the basic taking of blood and what not, I sat on the crunching paper of the examining table. I could feel my heart beat in my throat. I felt like I was going to throw up. I shook and cupped my hand over my mouth. I looked around to see if there were any trash cans in which I might be able to hurl into if it was needed. I sighed when I found one.

Hatori sat in the chair that was near the door. I looked over at him and saw that he was looking at me. I flushed a little and turned my head to face the trash can that was in my stomach's favor. I could feel the bile rising. I swallowed, trying to force it down. But it was no use and I practically leapt off the table and dived down to me the inside of the trash can face to face and I hurled up the contents of my stomach. It was silent, like always, except this time I wasn't locked inside a bathroom by myself. Hatori held my hair back and rubbed soft circles on my back. It was sweet, but I ruined it with my heaving.

The doctor came in a while later, a clipboard on in his hand and a smile on his face. I was a little weary of that smile, but I didn't want that to be the topic in my mind.

"Well, Chiaki-san, you seem to be quite light for a man your age," the doctor said. "What have you been doing lately?"

"Well, I-" I started.

"I think I know what's going on," he interrupted. "Are you, by chance, anorexic?"

"What? No! Well, I'm...not..anorexic..per say..." I trailed off. _I can't lie to a doctor, can I? I mean, that would be rude..._

I glanced over towards Hatori. I saw his face and I could tell he was worried. A cold sweat began as I started to explain what I had been doing.

"Well...I...I did eat...sort of...More like...I ate...then I would excuse myself...to the bathroom...and...purge..." I explained, shaking at every word.

"That would explain your weightloss," the doctor concluded. "But you do realize what consequences you might face, right? All your symptoms are related to what you are doing, minus the symptoms of being sick. Your lack of nutrients has lowered your immune system, causing you to contract an illness. If you keep doing this, many worse things can happen to your body. For example, the stomach acid can burn a hole in your esophagus. And the more you make yourself vomit, the more of a risk of your esophagus exploding," He continued to explain.

I didn't want to hear this. I didn't. _What I was doing was helping me. I was getting better by doing it. He doesn't know how it feels. He doesn't understand. How can he say this shit about it when he doesn't know how it feels to be this way. I am not sick. I am not ill. Don't give me medicine and therapy. It won't help me._

I fumed. I needed to get out of here. I had to. Before I could see the disappointed look on Hatori's face, I stood up and ran out the door, walking fast when I got into the hallway. I hastily walked to the double doors and I bolted, running towards Hatori's car. Then I realized that I would have to confront him if I were to sit in the car and wallow.

I was near the convenient store in a few minutes of running. I didn't want to stay in that parking lot anymore. I couldn't take it anymore.

I sat down on the bench and tried to catch my breath that was so adament about running off like I did. I had my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands, looking at the ground. _How could I face Hatori when I wasn't ready to face myself? Was I just hurting myself? I'm sick. I'm sick. I'm sick. I'm sick. I'm sick. No. I was sick. I'm done with the binging and purging. I can't do it anymore.  
That insensitive doctor didn't even think that Tori didn't know about it. I wonder if Hatori even came after me..._I sighed, picking myself up off the bench and walking home. I was just done. I wanted to go home, crawl in bed and never go anywhere again. I was a horrible person. Horrible and sick. I was sick of myself.

**A/N: Yay! Chapter 8! How was that? Thanks for reviewing the other chapters!  
And this one was surprisingly longer than the other chapters. And please review my lovelies! ^_-**

**JA~NE! **


	9. Unbroken, Thin Ice

**A/N: And we have rotated back to Misaki's story ^_^ Thank you for reading this story ^_^ I will continue to update quickly ^_^**

**-Misaki's point of view-**

A tear trickled down my face. I quickly covered it up with my hand and laughed it off. When I stopped, I whispered, "Hey...Usagi-san...I'm going to take a walk...No...A run maybe...I'll be back later..." And with that I charged out the door.

I ran down the street. I could feel the pounding of my bare feet on the cold concrete. It hurt, but I wouldn't let a little pain stop me from escaping that house. The further away I got, the better I felt. It was freezing cold and all I had on was a short-sleeved shirt and shorts. I couldn't stop the constant flow of tears burning cold against my cheeks. The chilling air hitting my face and exposed skin burned, but for some reason it wasn't hurting. It was a numbing burn that would melt away once I was inside somewhere, but I was no where near an open store. I was rounding the park where I decided to just give up. I only slowed down to a walk as I entered the park. I found a bench under a large tree and sat down heavily. I had to sit down, or lay down, or something. I wasn't used to running with my new diet. I was weak. I truly was.

_Oh, God...Usagi-san..please...somehow...please forgive me for what I have troubled you with. I'm such a bother...and nothing I do can make things right again. It would've been better if I hadn't met you...You would've been able to find someone much better suited for you..._

I didn't even bother to wipe away the tears that trickled down my face. I could've killed myself that night, but I didn't. I wanted to, but I didn't. If I died, Usagi-san would be weighted down with everything. He would be troubled by my death and I couldn't do that to him. I just needed a break from reality. It was getting to me. The not eating routine. It was constantly eating at my mind. This mental thing was getting more food than me. And it wasn't right. I knew it wasn't. But I couldn't stop. I was turning into a monster.

_But if, and when I come back, I'll have to tell him, won't I? He's going to be so mad at me...But it's the right thing to do. I mean, once he finds out, I'll be able to be this way in front of him, even if he tells me to stop. But it'll be a bother to him, worrying about me all the time, I mean. And what if he does say that this is a good thing? What then? Do I keep going until I die of malnutrition? Or do I stop and go against Usagi-san's wishes? And I want to make him happy, but...but if there is that 1% chance he wants me to lose more weight...what would I do? But better yet, the 99% chance he'll tell me to stop ruining myself. He wouldn't understand, even if I told him...He would tell me to stop, even if he wanted this for me. He wouldn't want to see me sick...He cares for me so much, that even if this made him happy in the slightest...he would tell me to stop...he really loves me, huh?_

It had gotten colder, so I laid down on the bench, curled up. I sighed shakily. My whole body was shaking and I couldn't go back there yet. I closed my eyes, as I had gotten tired from thinking, running, stressing, and worrying. I wasn't what I wanted and I wasn't what I had wanted. I was just someone laying on a bench in the freezing cold with no coat or shoes or long pants. Just a shivering, skinny idiot stuck in the cold.

-Usagi-san's Point of View-

I just stood in the doorway of the apartment, gawking at what just happened. And I was upset at myself that I didn't stop him from running out that door.

_What was that all about anyways? What was he hiding? But nevermind about that for now, I have to find him. And where the hell could he be?_

I didn't even bother getting in my car as I passed the car lot. It was pointless to waste time doing that. I passed the apartment and soon I was almost to the convenience store. I looked around the street and sidewalk and the benches. Everywhere that was close to buildings. _Damn it!_

I kept walking. I didn't care how long it would take to find him, as long as I found my Misaki. _Oh my Misaki...I will do anything to find you. I'll even eat those green peppers without any resistance...except maybe not...but I'll start cleaning up sometimes and I'll try to get rid of the excess things lodged in the closets! And I won't make you do anything you don't want...except sex, because I know you love it... _I smirked at my last thought, but then I soon dropped it when I neared the park. I caught a glimpse of chocolate brown hair on the end of a bench underneath a large tree. _Misaki!_

I ran to the bench and saw that, yes, it was my Misaki. "Usagi-san..?" I heard him say. He shivered and sat up.

I dropped to my knees and immediately took him into my arms, pulling him off the bench. He showed no resisitance and even snuggled in closer, wrapping his small arms underneath my coat and around my waist. After a few seconds, I felt a dampness seep through my shirt. I held Misaki closer, if that were even possible, as I stood up with him in my arms.

"Usagi-san...I'm so sorry!" I heard him croak out.

"Shhh...It's fine," I leaned down and whispered into his hair, kissing the top of his head before walking past the convenience store again, but this time with Misaki in my arms. I didn't pay attention to the stares of passersby. I just kept walking until we were both inside the pent house.

**A/N: I am very happy with the way the ending of this chapter played out. I was just going with the flow, and that's how things ended haha. Thanks so much for your kind reviews! ****I wanna be the very best, like no one ever was! To lure them is my real test! To get them is my cause!**

**Haha :3**

**JA~NE! ^_^ Please review!**


	10. Slicing Serenade

**A/N: You people have no clue how much reviews make me feel TwT Thank you! Thank you! Now, now...I actually found the notebook I took with me on vacation and what I found was amazing! I found a chapter I was writing for Days in the Life of Takano and Onodera! And I found a few chapters in a LightXL fanfic I had been working on for a while. So, yay! I will soon type those and get them up as soon as I can! :D**

**Listening to Versailles ^_^**

**Here we go! ^_^**

-Hiroki's point of view-

I just had to leave. I gave up. _I'm just not fit to be his lover...He proved that by staying out late..not even calling me..._I felt like shit just thinking about it. But...it was impossible to just **stop** thinking about him. I mean, he was the man I loved. I loved him more than I had loved Akihiko. I loved him more than he knew. More than I knew, even. But I had to leave. I had a feeling that he wanted me gone...Even if he were to come searching for me when he decided to wake up and realize that I'm gone...he would probably be faking his worry..

I sighed, walking down the mismatched streets, not paying attention to where I was or who was looking at me. I didn't care where I was, as long as I was away from that place.  
As long as I breathed, I would keep going. I wouldn't give up so easily. My pride wouldn't allow it. But then...I'm just walking away from my problems...I know I should've talked to him...but I just couldn't. He would say "Ah! Hiro-san! Why would I do such a thing! I love _you _and only you!" and then he'd say he was only late coming home because of work. But I mean, who comes home the next morning when I wake up and doesn't even say anything about it?

I sighed again. I looked at my arms. At the mess of blood and skin I'd made. I teared up as I realised just how pitiful I was. Then, if things couldn't have gotten any worse, it started to rain. I couldn't tell the water from my eyes or the water from the dark grey sky apart. The water stung and washed away the blood, but the red kept coming back, as if acting as a painful reminder of reality. I just wanted to escape. Be who I used to be. The proud educator with pride and a backbone..._Nowaki's probably still asleep...dreaming about that woman he's found himself so infatuated with lately..._

I didn't know how long I had been walking, but when I lookeed around, I found nothing familiar. I could've been walking for hours since there was still daylight when I left. I looked at my cuts, which were still bleeding and burning as the rain soaked them. My leg was still bleeding too. It seemed as though I sliced deeper than what I thought. I looked at my hands. _Why me? Why do I have to deal with this kind of drama that you only see on television? Why?_

I felt weak. Not just mentally, but physically. I was drained. Emotionally, for the most part. But that took a great toll on my body.

I cringed when I thought I heard a wisp of Nowaki's voice calling out my name through the pouring rain and thunder. But I knew it was just my mind playing with my heart. I kept walking, or at least staggering. I passed a few more buildings before I heard my name again, only this time, it was louder. Loud enough to get my attention. I turned around, and there was Nowaki, running through the rain towards me. I couldn't move. It was as if I was glued to the concrete. And when I finally moved out of the shock, so did my body. I dropped to the ground, my legs unable to hold me up anymore. I winced at the impact. I had fallen down on my side and I just laid there as I saw Nowaki kneel down next to me. He helped me up so I was sitting on the sidewalk.

"Hiro-san! Are you okay? What happened?" he asked, gently holding onto my arms, worry coating his voice and concern painted in his eyes.

_He's truly worried about me, isn't he?_

All I could think about was latching onto him and never letting go. _I want to hold him forever in my arms. I don't care about anything anymore. I just need him. I need his warmth, his kindness, his care, and his love. I want all of his love. I want to drink it in until I can't contain it anymore._

"I'm sorry...Nowaki...I'm so sorry! Please, don't be mad at me..." I forced out between my ugly sobs.

"Hiro-san," he whispered. "Why would I be mad at you? I've been so worried about you."

Just that alone made the sobs grow, "B-but don't you hate me?"

"Hate you? Baka, how could I hate you?" he held me closer, the rain letting up a little. I couldn't stop myself from letting everything loose.

"And what about you coming home so late? You're meeting a woman and what not. You love her more than me and I know you want kids and I know that I can't give them to you and I-I don't really like kids that much, but if it's what you want, we can always adopt. And I can just get over it. And then you won't have any excuse to date a woman, or a man. Just me, only me. Unless you're just tired of me...And I can understand if you are. I'll be completely fine if we break up...!" My voice cracked on the last sentence and the tears kept escaping.

"Hiro-san! I'm not meeting a woman! What gave you that idea? Was it something I said or did? And yes, I did want kids, but since I work in pediatrics, I'm around them all the time." he "And Hiro-san, I would never get tired of you! I haven't had enough of you yet! I want to go back home with my Hiro-san everyday and kiss him and make love to him over and over and over."

I couldn't speak. I just sat there. Thinking about what the hell I had been so over worked up over. I couldn't believe I cut over such a stupid misunderstanding. My pride could never forgive me now. It was over. Why does this man in front of me always shatter my pride like that?

"I only came home so late because I've been asked to do extra time at the regular hospital because one of the doctors is out on vacation,"

"But now, more importantly, why are you bleeding?" he asked me.

"...A long story..." I didn't want to explain anything yet. I just wanted to go home. And that's what we did.

**A/N: Yay! Chapter 10 is done! So Happy! :D**

**Anyways, Versailles- Serenade was influencing my chapters a bit. It's just such a sad song that you can't help but write sadly along with it.**

**JA~NE! Review please! ^_^**


	11. Colon Cleansing

**A/N: Thanks so much everyone! ^_^ Your reviews are like bombs, exploding on impact and oh so thrilling!  
So, here we are with chapter 11! Onodera's turn to face the music! Versailles has really good music ^_^ I let my mom listen to Serenade and she thought it was really good! I was so happy that she liked some of the Japanese music I showed her TwT**

**And yes, I've noticed a reoccuring event. The uke runs away. Sorry haha. I will seriously start to swap it up a little before the ending. Give you guys a surprise for each story.**

**EDIT: WAH! So sowwy for updating so late! T_T I have had band camp for two weeks and we learned the 45 sets of the opener and the 15 sets of the ballad. But bleh, it was so hot T_T**

**And with that, let's begin!**

-Onodera's Point of view-

I was walking out of the when I got a text from Takano-san.

_Takano: Oi! Get your ass back here! I told you I would check on you when everyone left!_

I replied with:_ Why?_

_Takano: Because you looked like shit earlier! I don't want to have to take you to the hospital or anything!_

I didn't reply as I made my way back up the elevator.

When I reached the right floor, I got another text from Takano-san

_Takano: To see you looking sick worries me. But to see you looking like death kills me. I love you, Ritsu.._

And the elevator opened as soon as I finished reading the text.

I was startled to see him standing right there. I avoided his gaze and pushed past him getting out of the elevator.

"What is it?" I asked after he stared at me for a few minutes without saying anything.

"Oh my God. Ritsu, what in the world happened to you?" he asked.

"Nothing happened, Takano-san, I don't know what you're talking about," Except I really did know. I knew what I looked like. I knew what he was thinking.

"No, don't tell me that because I know you're hiding something," he immediately retorted. "You haven't been yourself lately, and I want to know what's up."

I shifted my weight onto my left side and I twiddled with the edges of my shirt. "B-Baka, I'm fine. You don't need to worry about me, because I'm f-fine,"

"Your lack of conviction says otherwise," he replied with no hesitation. "Now, come on, tell me what's been doing this to you. We can talk here, or in one of our apartments."

"Fine...we can go back to one of our apartments to talk..." I mumbled.

"But I'm still fine," I said. "That won't change."

-Takano's point of view-

We arrived shortly at out apartments, and I watched as Ritsu fumbled with his keys in his shaking hands. I knew something was up. He opened his door and we both walked in, I closed the door behind us.

"So, what is it that you want to 'check' on me?" he asked, clearly tired. I walked over to him and took him into my arms. I felt a jolt run through my body when I didn't feel the soft body I had been so accustomed to. It felt so thin. So hard and stiff. I was almost scared of feeling and seeing exactly what was left of Ritsu.

"Ritsu...Why are you so thin...?" I asked quietly.

"N-No reason...Maybe I'm just stressed or something," he played it off as a laugh.

"I'm serious," I immediately replied. "Tell me the truth."

"...I can't." he mumbled, his face pressed into my chest.

"And why not?" I asked, holding his head in my hand and stroking his hair.

"You wouldn't understand..."

"How would you know? You haven't told me anything yet." I sighed, feeling him get a little heavy in my arms. I sat down on the floor, bringing Onodera with me. I turned his head to face me. "Now, tell me."

...-...-...-...-...-...-...-Onodera's Point of View-...-...-...-...-...-...-...

I didn't have the right answers. I could've said anything. I could've lied. But the look in Takano's eyes made me want to say everything and at the same time, nothing at all.

Everything felt numb and yet so much hurt lingered. It was so painful, looking at Takano, who could see straight through me sometimes. My eyes hurt and so did my head. My legs ached and I was thankful when we sat down. I held in the tears of denial and stress as long as I could, but it was no use. I couldn't last when Takano stared at me like that. I felt like mushed jello underneath that intense gaze. I hated crying in front of him. I hated it. I hated the feeling of weakness I had around him.  
But even so, a calming sensation washed over me. It begged me to spill out all what I had been holding captive.

"I-I don't really know how to tell you this...and not sound pathetic," I said quietly.

He wiped away a falling tear and waited for me to continue.

"Well...I know this sounds stupid...but...I've been kind of bulemic these past few months...Not the vomiting path though...the other one...Laxative user..." I mumbled out between sniffles.

Takano didn't say anything, but his gaze didn't falter. He still looked at me with that concerned look. I was going to stop there, but I didn't. I explained to him everything. From the beginning. Even the breakdown with Yokozawa in the office's bathroom. It all came out like a stream, flowing until all I had left was the occasional whimper and sob, muffled by Takano's shirted chest.

-_-_-_-_-_END OF CHAPTER 11-_-_-_

**A/N: BWAHAHAHA! I AM TIRED! So, good night my reviewers and my readers (-_-)ZZZZzzzz...**

**Review please! XD**


	12. Starving Information

**A/N: Welcome to another installment of Fast Away My Faults! Good Lord! This is turning into one long story! 12 chapters!**

**Yaya!  
**

**I am skyping with one of my best guy friends :D He makes me smile and laugh. Couse he can be a douche sometimes, but all in all, he's my best friend. He's been my best friend since 3rd grade ^_^**

**8/23/12: JESUS! I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING SINCE BEFORE BAND CAMP! I MUST FULFIL MY DUTY AND SATISFY YOUR NEEDS!**

**11/23/12: Yes. It's been 3 months. I apologize profusely. I have had like, little to no time lately. School sucks and I have to march in a damn Christmas Parade. More like kissmahass parade. I wanna fake sick so bad T_T**

**AND NOW! ONWARDS FELLOW READERS!**

Misaki's POV:

I didn't want this moment to end. I would never say it outloud, but I loved being held by Usagi-san. I didn't want to tell him anything about my ED. We had just gotten home. He unlocked the door and we went inside. I held onto him more, the warmth that flooded from him flowed into me like electricity in a circuit.

He didn't stop in the living room, but brought me upstairs. I was frozen and I wasn't begging to be out of his warm arms. We entered his room and he set me down on his bed. I dazedly watched him rush to grab various blankets and place them on me. He walked over to me and pulled my shirt over my head. I was too out of it to really care. I watched him toss it to the side and start to take off his own. He climbed into the bed and got underneath the multiple blankets, spooning me. His chest flush against my back and his arms wrapped around me. His warmth immediately thawed me. I felt my drowsiness overflow my sensess. But before I drifted completely to sleep, I heard in a soft, familiar deep voice, "I love you" which made my face heat up.

I awoke with a throbbing headache and the same light-headed feeling. My face burned and yet I was still cold. I cringed when I realised I was probably sick. When I came more into focus, I carefully turned around, tryin not to make my headache worse. I wanted to stretch, but I was worried I would strain myself.

My eyes met with relaxed violet ones. I suddenly remembered everything from the previous night. I retracted my gaze from Usagi's calm face, quickly turning my back towards him. I curled up in a ball, awaiting the questions that were sure to come.

"You feeling okay?" he asked. It was a question I had not expected.

I croaked out the words, "Yes, I'm fine..."

"Do you wanna talk about what's all been going on? I've been really worried about you," he asked calmly, but I could hear something else in his voice.

"Erm...but you'll hate me for everything I've done..." I replied, grabbing my arm, scratching it nervously. I could feel my heart speed and pound.

"Misaki...You know I love you, so much that no matter what happens, I'll always love you," his voice was filled with a light firmness.

I shivered at this and, with my arm red now, I turned around to face him, his eyes meeting mine, my face feeling hot now.

"Well...you see...it's a long story..."

* * *

**YES! Sorry this took so damn long and for such a short chapter. I left you on a fucking sexy cliffhanger, huh? Bwahahaha! Well, you'll find out what happens in Misaki's next chapter XD**


	13. The Vomit Is Rising

**Well, I am back with chapter...what is this? 13? Haha, also, to answer a guest's review,I didn't include Miyagi and Shinobu cause they really aren't mah favourites...heh heh...sorry if I offend anyone haha.**

**Anyways, I almost forgot who this chapter was about ! Actually, I apologize for last chapter ^_^; it was supposed to be about Chiaki. So, this chapter will be about chiaki haha, and then I'll probably mix up this set of chapters to make it unexpected haha.**

**Omnom nom nom, spicy lime and chili with shrimp ramen is good XD**

**Enjoy~**

* * *

I trudged home. I felt like I was suffocating in the heat of midday. I felt sick and weak. Like I couldn't move, but I just kept walking mindlessly down the sidewalk. My legs just continued to support me, long enough to get me home. And long enough to let me fall into bed. I crawled under the blankets and curled up in a ball, shivering at the new found warmth. I could hold my burning eyes open any longer as I slowly let them fall shut as I slipped away from reality...

...

"Chiaki!" I yelled after him. But he was too far by then to hear me. _Damn it! _

I apologized to the doctor on my way out of the building.

...

I had woken up for a little while. During that time, I realised where I had walked "home" to. Hatori's house. I could feel the stinging of tears pooling at the corners of my eyes. As I fell back to sleep, I felt them stream down my face.

...

_Where the hell could he be?! I've looked all around town! I even went to his house to see if he was there. God, where the hell could he be?!_

_Oh. _

I drove quickly towards the place I knew he would go to, whether on purpose or on accident.

When I got there, I quickly made my way inside, shutting the door behind me.

...

I heard a door close, waking me up. _Hatori..._

"Chiaki?"

My stomach twisted.

"Where are you?"

I childishly crawled deeper under the covers. I heard footsteps getting closer and I held my breath as the door to his bedroom opened. I peeked through an opening and saw that he was looking directly at me.

"Chiaki..." he breathed out. He sat down on the floor next to the bed. He pulled down the covers enough to see my face. Then, stroking my hair gently, he kissed my forehead. "God, you've had me worried."

I didn't say anything at all. After sitting in the silence for a while, he started, "You do know you kind of can't hide this anymore, right?"

I replied with a deep sigh.

"Why'd you do this to yourself?" he asked, on the verge of a pleading tone.

I shrugged my shoulders.

"Come on, Chiaki, you know why. If you didn't know why, I bet you wouldn't have done it."

"Erm...Well...you see...It started a few months ago,"

* * *

**Yes, I'm quite a bitch hahaha! XD Another sexy cliffy. I am happy with how this turned out though. Well, goodnight! I hope to write more everyday! :D**


	14. Bandaging Up Hurt Wounds

**Who is this about again? Oh yea, Hiroki!**

**Well, I had a parade Today! I marched in it :D But it was horrible...I hate parades to no end... **

**Also, apparently the guy I like is okay with me playing with his hair! Kyaa! He's so nice to me. But now I think he's just tired. He doesn't seem to be interested in what I'm trying to tell him. And that really sucks. It makes me feel like all my efforts have been useless and that I'm actually pushing him away. Everything pisses me off now. My doggie is sleeping on my bed next to me and he's so cute XD**

**Anyways...Enjoy this story. Maybe my angst can help with this chapter...**

**EDIT: Sorry! I've been very tired this weekend so that's why it took so long**

* * *

I wish I could be somewhere else right now. I definitely didn't want to explain any of this shit to Nowaki. He was going to think I'm insane. When we finally got home, Nowaki was treating all my wounds. The rubbing alcohol burned, drawing unwanted tears from my eyes. After he effectively bandaged them, he began with the question that I didn't want to give an answer to. He was smiling, but his eyes weren't.

"Now...Would you like to explain to me what the fuck happened, Hiro-san?" Nowaki said in an almost sickening cheery voice from a young doctor, and behind it was a serious man, most likely pissed and worried as hell.

"Erm...well...I was cooking and-"

"The _truth _Hiro-san. I don't want to hear anymore of those damn excuses."

"It's because...of _you_ actually..." I answered timidly.

"Me? How?" he asked, a little surprised.

"Well...it started a few months ago...I had a horrible dream...And...you tried to kill me-"

"I tried to kill you? Now why in the world-"

"God, let me finish, damn it! You said you never loved me...and this dream haunted me for many weeks...so I just assumed, that the dreams plus the fact that you've been gone lately...they were signs..."

"Signs that I didn't love you anymore? Now why the hell would you come up with such a false idea! You know I'd never do anything to hurt you, because I love you!" he professed.

"But I had no clue! You could've been out fucking some bitch while I was here waiting for you, worried as fuck for the first few days! You never told me you were going to stay late at the hospital until later, so how could I have known!" I shouted, clawing at my legs.

Nowaki grabbed my arms, "Why the hell would I be out screwing a woman when I already have you!"

"Because you're getting older, and this was obviously just a phase for you and so you'd want a cute girl to settle down with and have the children you've always wanted..." I slumped, tears prickling at the corners of my eyes.

Nowaki sighed, his eyes closing as he wrapped me in his arms tightly. "Oh, Hiro-san..."

I cried. I hadn't fully cried in a long time. _Nowaki...you're gonna think I'm so ugly with all these scars..._

* * *

**Hee hee hee! :D Hello thar! Thanks for reading and reviewing! :D I'll get the next chapter updated as soon as I can! ^_^**


	15. Energy Flushed Away

**A/N: I really apologize for having such short chapters! I wish that I had time to just write those and update every hour or so haha!**

**AHhh...So this one is gonna be about...Onodera and Takano! Here ya go! (Yes, very short intro, cause I know you guys have been waiting for this story!)**

* * *

"Why the hell didn't you tell me?!" I yelled. I didn't want to, but it just slipped out. "Damn it! you could do that did you you could have ended up dead or something and I wouldn't know what the hell happened!"

He said nothing and bowed his head. I could tell he was thinking of something to retort with, but nothing came out.

"Look, I didn't mean to yell," I answered with a sigh. "But you're starving yourself to death, and for what? You know that I won't hate or love you more because of your weight or appearance!"

He still replied with nothing, except a shaky sigh.

We fell into a worn out silence. He looked away from me, but I kept my gaze straight on him.

I sighed, getting up from the floor. I walked into the kitchen to grab a beer out of the fridge. Walking back, I opened the can, this time sitting on the sofa. Thank God he was still here. If anything, I would've expected him to run away to his apartment. So he was pretty willing to tell me the truth. I'd never take this time for granted.

"Onodera," I said his name calmly." You really love me, don't you?"

"Nope, not in the slightest!" he yelled, a blush painted on his face.

"Mmmhmm...though you wanted to change your appearance... Just. For. Me."

He blushed deeper, "Never, not. At. All."

I laughed at this and leaned in to kiss him. He flinched, but then relaxed and let me deepen it. I released his lips and pulled him into a tight hug.

"I love you, Ritsu," I whispered into his ear. Immediately I could feel his face getting warm.. I smiled.

Onodera's point of view

My face burned with a deep blush. I was between pushing him away and staying there, in this tight embrace. A tear rolled down my face. I wanted to stop the rest of them, but it was futile. His arms tightened even more as I wept.

"I'm sorry...I'm so sorry..." I repeated the mantra over and over, until I didn't have the energy to. I felt so exhausted. So much was flushed out of me in such a short amount of time.

"Onodera, you want to go to bed? If you're too tired to walk there, I'll carry you," Takano-san's low voice, his warm embrace, everything made me nod my head in reply.

He picked me up and kissed my forehead and carried me to my bedroom. He set me down and pulled the blankets over me. After that, I closed my eyes and didn't remember anything after that.


	16. Slim Awakening

**Hey guys, back with the 16th chapter of Fast Away My Faults! It's kind of depressing how everything is coming to an end haha. But I will probably try to write an epilogue about how each of the couples are living now. Sorry for taking such a long time with this fanfic ^_^; Well this one'll sort of conclude Misaki and Usami's story. T_T I'm just so sad now hahaha **

**I AM SO SORRY GUYS! I needed to take a little break from this story. I needed fresh ideas.**

I wanted him to tell me what had been bugging him for the last few months. Everytime I asked, he would reply with, "Sorry, I'm going to be late for school! I'll tell you later!" or "I have to buy groceries so that we can have food to live off of! So I'll tell you some other time!" It was annoying. Not that _Misaki _was annoying. Of course not, how could my cute, sexy little Misaki be annoying. Impossible. And I had waited all day and night for Misaki to open up to me, even just a little. And I wasn't going to barge into his room and demand that he tell me. Even though that's what I wanted to do the most.

My heart hurt thinking about how he was hurting and I couldn't do a damn thing about it.

Later that evening, Misaki came inside looking a little...wait. Was he drunk? Oh God, he was drunk.

"Misaki, sit down on the sofa, okay?" I told him, helping him to the sofa.

"Sure thing, U-sa-gi-san~" he said, slurring the first two words._ How drunk is he? _

"Are you by any chance, drunk?" I asked him.

"Of course not! I loooove you Usagi-san! You're sooo handsome and adorable!" he said, wrapping his arms around my neck. He reached up to kiss me, but he paused halfway and slumped. "I'm so sorry for not telling you anything... I just want to make you happy, that's all. As long as you are happier than me, I'll be fine..." he then started to cry. "I l-love you so much, and I just wanted you to keep loving me...I was scared...and still am...I don't want someone coming along and taking you from me...I know I'm an idiot and that I have no redeeming qualities...but please don't leave me!" he sobbed uncontrollably, trembling as he tried to keep a strong grip on my shirt. I pulled him into my lap and watched him curl up.

"Misaki, you're not an idiot, albeit you are a little dense sometimes, but that's okay," I reassured him. "I love every little thing about you. And I hope you will remember this, even after you sober up."

"Oh, Usagi-san...I want to love you forever and ever...but I'm not that courageous enough to tell you..." he reached up and planted a tentative kiss on my lips. I was not expecting that. And as quickly as he had surprised me, he pulled back and rested his head on my chest.

MISAKI POV

"Usagi-san...I hate you so much...Turn off the lights...my head...my stomach...I'm dying..." I grumbled, gripping Usagi-san's pillow around my head. "And I don't even wanna know...what we did last night..."

"Misaki," he said in a low voice. "We didn't do anything last night,"

_Ehh? _"Lies! I know you!" I yelled, causing my nausea to rise. I put my hand over my mouth for good measure.

"Oh, are you sure about that? You don't even seem to know what you said last night..." he answered with his superior attitude that really pissed me off.

"What the fuck did I say?!" I almost choked after yelling that. I held my hand tightly against my mouth. _Oh God, I hope I really don't puke...But what did I say... No! No! No! I...did I seriously spout how much I l-l-lo...I can't even fucking say it while I'm sober! How on earth could I have done it drunk! At least we didn't have sex...At least he didn't take advantage of_ me...I sighed in relief and I knew deep inside, that Usagi-san would never take advantage of me. I knew that he treasured me more than his own life. And then, as it always happens, a tsunami of nausea struck me like lightning.

I jumped out of bed abruptly and raced to the bathroom, but not before I got tangled in the damn sheets and tripped on all Usagi-san's crap. _Good grief, Usagi-san! Get rid of this shit! It's gonna kill me one day! _I flew out the door and into the one down the hall. I made it just in time, my head buried in the porcelain basin. As I emptied my stomach contents, I heard footsteps closing in on me. I sighed after wiping my mouth. _  
_

"I'm sorry...Not only for this, but...for not telling you everything...It's all my fault..." I started to cry. I waited for him to sit down next to me and hug me like always, but nothing happened. Which made me cry more. But then I felt something cold on my neck.

"Don't blame yourself for this," I looked up and saw him turning off the water. "It's my fault for not telling you how much I love you no matter how much weight you gain or lose, or how you you look when we get older. Because, Misaki, I will love you no matter what you do. I will love you even if you were to beat me within an inch of my life everyday. I wouldn't care as long as I could be yours forever." He crouched down beside me, took my hands and kissed me.

"I-idiot!" I yelled, backing into the wall, covering my mouth. "I haven't even brushed my teeth-" He silenced me with another kiss, but this time I didn't fight it. I let it happen for the first time in a while. And I was happy to be kissing him. I was happy he loved me. To hell with trying to be perfect. Te hell with what's right. Because if this is wrong- If me being with _this_ man is wrong, then I don't want to be right.

**Oh mai God guys! I am actually proud of this one. Please don't be mad at me for leaving this story! T_T Cause I needed some space away from writing in general.  
As always, reviews are everything to me!**

**(OMFG, THIS ONE WAS LIKE OVER 1000 WORDS! AREN'T YOU PROUD OF ME!)**


	17. Kissing All Your Scars Away

**Hey guys, I am really happy to be back. Although, I may leave again, but just until summer hits. It all depends on the work load. Anyways, enjoy the chapter! I apologize in advance...I just went with the flow on this one...I'm sorry, I'm just a dog, I have no idea what I'm doing. XD**

**Oh, and guys, I looked back at the earlier chapters and I thought...what the fuck was I thinking when I wrote this part! Haha, I really want to redo some parts of the earlier chapters **

_Nowaki...you're going to think I'm hideous with all these scars... _"Damn it! Why are we even together! I'm nothing you could want! Not before, and not now, especially now that I've done this!" I ripped off the bandages from one arm. "_This _is why we will never be the same again! Everything always gets torn up between us!" I took a breath, but before I could say anymore, Nowaki gently took hold of my now unbandaged arm. He looked at the lines in my skin and brought my arm up to his lips and kissed it. He started at my wrist, gingerly kissing a few of my scars while traveling up my arm in the same manner. I started to cry again. When he got to my shoulder, he pulled away, looked at me, and planted his lips onto mine as softly as he had kissed my arm.

"I have never loved anyone like you. Even if you were a woman who could bear my children, you wouldn't be _my _Hiro-san," he said after he pulled away. "Everything that comes between us will make us stronger. And, if you let me, I would so love to kiss each and every one of your beautiful scars. Because, Hiro-san, even if you had scars running up and down your body it wouldn't matter to me because each scar on your body is just another part of you for me to love."

I covered my face with my hands, trying to conceal every emotion that crossed me. I tried rubbing away my tears, but they kept coming. I felt two large, warm hands pull my own wet ones away. I tried to pull them back, but it was no use. Nowaki had a strong grip. "Where else do you have scars?" he asked, looking straight at me. I looked away and pointed at my other arm. "I would kiss those now...but those are fresh, and they probably still hurt...and I don't want to injure-"

"...Do it..." I whispered. I started to undo the bandages slowly, wincing as it pulled at the cuts. Nowaki grabbed my wrist to stop me, but I shook my head and continued until they were all the way off. I watched him take my arm and begin to kiss it. Always starting with the wrist, gently placing his lips onto my skin. I watched him as he gradually kissed up my arm. But then when he reached my upper arm, he lifted it and kissed the underside, making me shiver involuntarily.

"Are you sensitive right there, Hiro-san?" he asked. Not waiting for me to reply, he kissed me there again, of course, eliciting another shiver. He didn't press on about it, like he normally would, which kind of surprised me. He just continued to kiss the remainder of my arm.

"Anywhere else?" he asked quietly.

I blushed because I had cut my thighs.

"Good God Hiro-san, don't tell me you did it to your-"

"Damn it Nowaki, of course not!" I blushed more. "I...cut...my legs...well, more like my...thighs..."

He looked up at me with a smile. "Are you sure you want me to continue?"

I thought for a minute. "Sure...do what you want..." I blushed harder as he unbuttoned my pants and slowly pulled down the zipper. I shifted so it would be easier for him to remove my pants, which were gone in a matter of seconds after that. I shivered as he began to reach one of his hands up my back as the other reached under my legs. In a swift motion, he picked me up. _  
_

"Hiro-san, I love you so much," he smiled that same warm smile, making my heart flutter. He carried me to our room and softly laid me down on the bed. I took a deep breath as Nowaki positioned himself above me. It's not as if we've never done something like this before...but something was different about the way he acted tonight. It felt tentative. But, I knew that he always knows what he wants to do. I'm just the tentative one here... I gasped as I felt Nowaki kiss behind my ear.

"I love you like no one else," he whispered into my ear. I shivered for the umpteenth time that night.

_Nowaki's POV_

I had no idea what I was doing that night. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do. I'd never been through something like this. So I just went with the flow. I trailed my hands down his clothed sides, reaching the waist-band of his boxers. I slid them off smoothly and saw all the lines in Hiro-san's skin. I wished so badly that I could have stopped him before he hurt himself like this. I brought his leg up and I could sense he was nervous too. I slid my hand down his thigh, and I was about to stop, but I heard a noise coming from him. I looked up at him, "What...was that?"

He covered his mouth, "N-Nothing," I saw a cute little blush rise once more on his face, reaching his ears. I chuckled against his inner thigh and he made that same noise, only muffled a little by his hand. I kissed where I saw a long line, and he moaned softly behind his hand. As I kissed closer to his hips, his moans grew louder.

"Do you want me to stop?" I asked him.

"N-No..." he mumbled.

And that night we made love. Slow and sweet. Mostly because I was so scared of hurting him. But another half of me just wanted to drink up all of him and then pour everything I had into him.  
_

"Good morning, Hiro-san," he said to me. I was too busy hiding my face underneath the sheets to reply. But it didn't last long because he pulled down the sheets and suddenly kissed me.

"Idiot!" I yelled, shrinking back into the sheets. I heard him laugh and felt him get out of bed.

"I'll make breakfast," I could almost see his grin. "I love you, Hiro-san!"

"God damn it..." I muttered into the many sheets, luckily concealing my red face.

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** I wasn't sure how to end it. Please forgive me T_T Anyways, this'll be the last chapter for a little while, just until I can aquire more time. Well, as always, please review!**

**Haha this turned into a long chapter :D**


	18. His Shiz is Back

**Hey guys, I'm back :D Hope you enjoyed those lengthy chapters :D Wahhh... Spring break is almost over T_T  
**

I had been holding onto my fear of telling Takano-san everything for too long. And I just couldn't hold that wall up any longer. I was weak, and I hated it. And I thought I was done, but after I had gone back to my apartment once Takano-san's worries faded, I stared at the pill box on my bathroom sink. I cringed and I just wanted to chunk them in the trash can. But, something inside me, coaxed me to take the whole box. I ran to grab a bottle of beer out of my fridge to drink the feeling away. _Come on Ritsu...Just take them all at once and be done with it. _

"No! I can't!" I told the voice inside my head. "Takano-san would kill me!" _Come on Ritsu...It'll be fine...He won't find out...Just say you threw it in the trash...You'll feel better once you take these..._

I cringed. I seriously wanted to take my beer and swallow all the small pills at once. I went so far as to hold them all in my hand. I was about to drink several of them down, when I heard a knock on my door. I panicked. I had the pills in my mouth, and by now, the coating had melted. I had no choice but to quickly swallow them dry. I shivered as I felt them slowly scrape down my esophagus. I rushed to open the door, and saw Takano-san staring at me.

"What do you want?" I asked, hoping I didn't sound nervous. And, yea, I was crazy nervous.

"Oh, just checking up on you," he said calmly. "Making sure you were feeling okay. We were going to go out today, remember?"

_Oh God, I completely forgot. _I could feel my hands shaking, so I shoved them in my pockets, only to figure out that the pants I was wearing, didn't have pockets. _Damn it. _ And then I heard that voice again. _Hey, Ritsu, go on and excuse yourself to the bathroom to take the rest of them...It'll be fine... _

"Hey, I'm busy right now, so...I'll only be a little while. Call me or something in a few minutes and I should be done, okay?"

"Okay," he said. But that "okay" wasn't a normal "okay." That "okay" was actually saying, "You're acting weird and I should be even more concerned about you."

Quickly walking back to the bathroom wear my beer had been and where the remainder of the pills were. _What the hell am I doing? I'm gonna actually kill myself, aren't I? _I started crying. _But I have to take these damn pills...I have to..._ I looked in the mirror. I almost got scared at what I saw. For a glimpse, I looked extremely overweight. But when I looked back at the mirror, I looked the same as always. I started to cry more as I took a little rinsing cup and filled it with water. I held the remainder of the pills in my hand, building up strength. I got it over with and shoved the pills in my mouth.

**Takano's POV**

I didn't leave his apartment when he hurriedly rushed to his bathroom. I was worried about what he might be doing in there. I waited for a few minutes before getting even more nervous. I was trying so hard to trust him, but it was extremely difficult when he was taking longer than ten minutes in the bathroom. I paced his living room for a few minutes, thinking about everything he could be doing. And the only thing I could come up with was him taking those God damn laxatives. So I basically ran to the bathroom, knocking on the door, "Ritsu, are you okay?"

When I got no answer, I panicked. I turned the door knob, and unfortunately, it was either locked or jammed. But I had no time for either, so I kept beating on the damned door until it finally opened.

"Fucking jammed do- Ritsu!"

**Onodera's POV **

I swallow the last of the laxatives, hoping to finally get rid of that voice in my head. _Good job, Ritsu..._

I cried even more, until I heard a knock on the door. I froze. _Damn it, what the hell do I do now! _

"Ritsu, are you okay?" I heard his voice. He held so much concern for me. But, I didn't want him to worry about me anymore. I was fine now. Everything was over. I sat on the toilet's lid with my legs up against my chest, rocking back and forth, praying that he would just leave. And then he turned the knob. I was so scared because I left the door unlocked, but he couldn't open it, which worried me. That meant I had no way out. I cried some more. I felt sick. After many beatings of the door, Takano-san managed to get it open.

"Fucking jammed do- Ritsu!" I could sense his anger of the door, but then it suddenly disappeared when our eyes locked. I couldn't stop the flow of tears. "What the hell happened!"

"I-I can't tell you," I sobbed. I saw him look around for anything that would answer his question. I hid my face when I saw him look at the empty box of laxatives that laid on the counter.

"No, don't fucking tell me," he started. "You didn't-"

I felt sicker as I sat there. I was so damn scared. I thought I was going to die.

**Well guys, that's all I can write tonight T_T Be sure to review! **

**I'm so happy that I changed it up. Anyways, I'm actually testing how a silhouette of a tree will look in my room before we actually paint the lettuce green over the blue walls with stars. My mom is amazing and is letting me paint on my current walls to see what it's gonna look like. :D **


	19. Purging the Truth

**I think this one is about Chiaki-san :D (Ugh, i lose track of everything :'( Damn my forgetfulness of this pair T_T)**

"It all started a couple months ago," I started. "I thought about things. A lot of things. I felt like, you might get mad at me if I gained weight, so I didn't want to make you angry...I wanted to find a way to lose weight, but I love food..."

I hid my face behind my hands and burrowed deeper into the sheets. I wanted to run away, but I had already done that. I needed to face my fear head on. So I sat up and opened my mouth, but Hatori beat me to the punch.

"But even though you could have just eaten healthy foods, you hurt yourself just to get thin," I heard the disappointment in his voice. He ran a ran through his hair and sighed. _He is so disappointed in me...Why can't I do something that will actually make him happy?__  
_

"Why?" he asked. "Why would you do this to yourself?" he stood up and walked around a minute until he circled near the wall. I flinched when he punched the wall. "God damn it, Chiaki!"

I stayed silent and waited for his next move. He leaned on the wall for a couple minutes, hands next to either side of his face, still clenched. But as he sighed and turned around, he loosened his hands. He then sat down and rested his head in his hands for a minute. I watched his back rise and fall with his calmer breathing.  
I didn't know what to say to him. Because a simple "Sorry" just wouldn't cut it. Almost every inch of me wanted to hug him and tell him everything would be okay. But I knew he would push me away. And the rest of me just wanted to cry. But I couldn't, cause I didn't deserve to. After all, it was my own fault. _I was the one to hurt the **one **person I truly love and care about. I was the only one. _And then and there, much to my chagrin, I started crying. I cried, not for me, but for Hatori. I tried to stop the tears, I really did, but they just kept flowing down my face. There was nothing I could do.

**Hatori's POV**

I didn't want to get angry, but I was just so damn worried about him. I sat down and put my head in my hands to try to assess the situation. But all it did was help me to steady myself for what he might say next. _Why the hell did he do this? Doesn't he know how much I love him? How I would love to rewind time. _

I looked up after a little while when I heard a sniffle or two. My heart clinched at the sight of Chiaki crying. _Oh God, I blew it...I made him cry...I am an idiot...Now I _really _wish I could rewind time..._

I stood up once more, walked over to the bed and sat down next to Chiaki. I placed my hands on his trembling hands that were holding his tear-stained face. He flinched at this, but that didn't stop me. I pulled them away so that I could see his beautiful eyes, albeit tear-filled.

**Chiaki POV **

He pulled away my hands and I tried to pull them back, but I didn't have enough drive to do anything. He tilted my face up and looked at me. Our eyes locked and my heart started to hurt, so I turned away. But I couldn't for long because his gaze was too much for me. I looked back and then lost it. I lunged forward and wrapped my thin arms around his torso. And I sobbed. I couldn't hold the dam back. Everything that had built up inside of me, rushed out.

"Tori...Please don't be mad at me...just don't be mad..." I repeated the mantra until my fever took over my head. And he just held me.

**Time Change**

We had gone to the doctor the next day to get medicine for my cold. Hatori and I apologized to the nurse and doctor for what happened the other day. And then we went home. Almost like a normal day. And it scared me. Because I didn't know what was going on in Hatori's mind. I lounged on the couch thinking of what I should do for the next volume in my manga series...But I was too busy thinking about what Hatori was going to do.

**A/N: Hey guys, I wanted to end this chapter short, to leave you guys hanging, and to make this fic last a little longer :D I love you guys! Thanks for reviewing! **


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